How do I know if I need therapy?
Estela Adamuz
9/8/20264 min read
Sometimes we think something very serious has to happen before we can go to therapy. That we need to be completely overwhelmed, have been feeling bad for months, or reach a point where we simply don’t know what else to do.
But that isn’t always the case.
Many people come to therapy without having a clear answer to the question, “What’s wrong with me?” They simply feel that something isn’t quite right: they’re more tired, worried, irritable, disconnected from themselves, or caught in situations that seem to repeat themselves over and over again.
And that deserves to be heard too.
You don’t have to hit rock bottom to ask for help
Going to therapy doesn’t mean you can’t cope with life on your own. Nor does it necessarily mean that you have a psychological disorder.
Sometimes, it simply means recognising that something feels difficult and that it might be easier to understand it with someone by your side.
It could be a breakup, a loss, a relationship that is causing you distress, a period of major change, or a feeling of anxiety that seems to follow you everywhere.
Or perhaps, from the outside, “everything is fine” and yet you still don’t feel fine.
You don’t need to justify your distress in order to talk about it.
Some signs that you might need some space for yourself
There is no exact checklist that determines when someone “should” start therapy. Every person, story and stage of life is different.
But it might help to ask yourself whether lately…
You find yourself overthinking things and struggle to switch off.
Some emotions feel difficult to manage or understand.
You’re going through a breakup, grief, a loss, or an important life change.
You often feel anxious, sad, irritable, or exhausted.
You find it difficult to set boundaries or prioritise your own needs.
Your relationships seem to lead to similar conflicts again and again.
You put a lot of pressure on yourself and often feel that you’re never enough.
You’ve been postponing decisions because you’re not sure what you really want.
You’re avoiding certain situations because of fear, insecurity, or discomfort.
Things from your past still carry more weight in your present than you would like.
You’ve tried to change something on your own many times, but somehow end up back in the same place.
You simply want to understand yourself better and explore why you feel, think, or behave in certain ways.
None of these situations automatically means that you need therapy. But they can be an invitation to ask yourself how you are experiencing this stage of your life.
“But maybe what I’m going through isn’t that serious”
This is something many people think.
We tend to compare our distress with other people’s: “Other people have it much worse,” “I don’t have a reason to feel this way,” or “I should be able to deal with this on my own.”
But suffering doesn’t have to pass a test in order to be valid.
The fact that other people are going through difficult situations doesn’t make what is affecting you any less important.
And waiting until we feel completely overwhelmed rarely makes asking for help any easier. Just as we take care of other aspects of our health before a serious problem appears, we can also pay attention to our psychological wellbeing before reaching our limit.
Therapy isn’t only about talking about problems
Therapy can be a place to understand what is happening to you, notice patterns that may have gone unnoticed, and explore new ways of relating to yourself and to the people in your life.
It isn’t about someone telling you what to do.
It is about building a space where you can pause, look at what you are going through with a little more perspective, and find resources that make sense for you.
Sometimes the goal will be to ease a specific difficulty. Other times, it might be to get through a challenging period, make a decision, learn to set boundaries, or understand why certain situations affect you so deeply.
And sometimes it may be something much simpler: having a safe place where you can talk without feeling that you need to take care of, reassure, or protect the person sitting in front of you.
What if I don’t know exactly what I want to work on?
You can start there too.
You don’t need to arrive at your first session with a perfectly organised explanation of what is happening or a clearly defined set of goals.
You can simply start by saying:
“I’m not really sure what’s going on, but lately I haven’t felt like myself.”
And begin exploring from there.
Part of the therapeutic process is precisely about finding words for experiences that we may not yet know how to name.
Maybe the question isn’t “Am I struggling enough?”
Perhaps it can help to change the question.
Instead of asking yourself:
“Am I struggling enough to go to therapy?”
you could ask:
“Is there something in my life I would like to understand, change, or learn to live with differently?”
If the answer is yes, perhaps it is worth giving yourself that space.
You don’t have to wait until you hit rock bottom to start taking care of yourself.